Should You Be A Stay At Home Mom?

I’ve been talking with my friend, Sue.  She is about to have a baby!  You would think I was having the baby because I am soooo excited!

Sue is trying to figure out if she should be a stay at home mom or not.  You would not believe the myriad of things floating through her mind as she was trying to make her decision: lifestyle, perception, expenses, full-time, soccer moms, part-time, car payments, daycare, boredom, and so much more.  She was in a mental whirlwind.  In the video, you’ll get the rest of the skinny on her situation, and the three steps I went through with her to make a decision.

star-yellowHave you thought about staying home with the kids?  Let me know in comments what concerns you have.
star-yellowHave you already made a decision to stay at home or return to work?  I would love to read about your decision-making process in the comments below.
 

Just a few lines below here, there are all sorts of buttons to push so you can share this with any other moms you know.  You never know if they are pondering this question, too!

Have a peaceful, joyous, love-filled day!

africa

This post is part of the Thrifty Thursday Link Party.

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  • Maya Collins
    November 12, 2013

    I’d love to stay at home with 14 month old twins but I make slightly more than my husband who is also knee deep in student loans from law school. I also provide the health insurance for the family because he contracts (he cannot find a fulltime job anywhere) and does not get health benefits. How on earth could I make it work financially to stay home full time with my kids? Obamacare maybe? How do you guys make this work? Are your husbands well off? I feel like I do not see them enough and it’s very hard.

    • Africa
      November 12, 2013

      Maya,

      I absolutely feel for you! We made quite a few lifestyle changes in order for me to stay at home with the children. My husband earns a decent living, but we are not well off by any means. For me, first lifestyle change was not getting a new car. In fact, we ran with one care about six months after our son was born, and then (to my absolute horror at the time) we paid cash for a used minivan for me. For a few years before my husband and married, he and the children had health care, not me. After getting married, I was floored by how much adding me to the health insurance would be, but we did it.

      In all honesty, I teach online for university on and off which helps from time to time to bring in money. However, that “luxury” came at a cost. Much like your hubby, I have a large student loan debt. Payments are more than a mortgage payment. So for me, it is imperative to work, but I also realized I wanted to be with my children. So our choice is for me to work from home (teaching, coaching, etc.). For us it was differently not a dollars and cents choice, it was a lifestyle choice.

      As for Obamacare (Affordable Healthcare Act – I think it is called), I don’t get too much into politics anymore (I could stay on a soapbox forever), so I did not know too much about it. I did find an interesting video from Khan Academy you may want to watch.

      Maya, I would love to brainstorm with you about ways staying at home could work for your family.

  • November 12, 2013

    I’m at home right now….my babe is just a month old; I’m a first time mama; my husband is training for work and can’t really help me all too much in the wee hours of the morning when I struggle the most. I know this sounds terrible, and I’ve been told to embrace these moments, but goddddd, I just want to sleep!! And not on the couch or with a baby attached to me. I’m just tired of the constant headaches. And I drink lots of water and take in enough calories I think, but I’m just so tired. I try and get out of the house, and I LOVE getting out and interacting, but she’s just so little and it’s too much for her to take in, and when we do go out, she has terrible afternoons and evenings. I often wonder if this is for me because of these things, but I was a preschool teacher before I become an elementary school teacher, and they get to witness so many firsts, and spend so much quality time with them. I want to be the one to experience those moments, and I want to be the one shaping my child. I just keep thinking, “this too shall pass” (meaning the exhaustion.) And I feel like a jerk for wishing my daughter would just grow up already. *sigh* It actually feels good to write this all out! Lol! We just had the opportunity this past weekend to go out to an early dinner with friends, and her god mother was going to watch her, but my husband didn’t want to be away from her, but it was 5pm, and we were out, and what does she want? To nurse. So I couldn’t even enjoy having my first sushi in ten months lol and I often resent my husband because as I pace my house with a tired baby, and I’m tired, and my boobs are sore, there he is laying in our king sized bed snoring away. And he does take the baby for a couple hours at night sometimes, but what do I do? Clean. I know I just need to sleep, but I also get to have a chance to move around and talk to my husband, and make a phone call here and there. And if I don’t clean, there isn’t a cleaning fairy who is going to come and do it.

    • Africa
      November 12, 2013

      Jessica, I think you hit it with “this too shall pass.” Not you, baby girl, or hubby have a routine – you are all physically and mentally exhausted. All your emotions are absolutely valid, and in time, things will calm down, and your groove will kick in. Just remember, your groove (routine) likely will not look like anyone else’s, and that’s OK. You and hubby can start to create the kind of family life you want to have. I have a feeling, that will include some quality time for you (by yourself or with friends).

      Cleaning is a special pet peeve of mine. I wish there were cleaning fairies as I detest cleaning on general principle! I do have some routines that keep my home clean enough for me and my family (well at least for me). I would investigate what is clean enough for your and your family.

      As for nursing and co-sleeping . . . I weaned my youngest a month before he turned three, and at four, he still sleeps with us most of the time. I’m not the best momma for tips to make that not happen. 😀 I bet there are several others with ideas who will chime in.

    • Liz mitchell
      November 13, 2013

      Hey Jessica, I know exactly how you feel! I am a stay at home mom with one child, who just turned 6 months old. She finally started sleeping through the night at 5 months, after just one night of letting her cry it out for 20 minutes. Boy, I feel worlds better once that happened! Right now, your hormones are still out of whack, your body still feels bloated and yuck, and you feel like a zombie, but all this will change with each passing week. Hang in there! What really helped me was getting my daughter on the Baby Wise schedule of nursing, wake time, sleep time on a 3 hour rotation and letting her sleep as long as she would at night. She has wake time for an hour and a half then sleeps for an hour and a half. Babies love routines and this will really help you as well. Once the routine is established, you can know why they are crying and also know that you’ll have breaks to clea, nap, relax, cook, etc. just remember to be flexible with it! Hope this helped.

      • Africa
        November 13, 2013

        Awesome share, Liz! You’ve added immensely to the conversation!

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